Greater Than

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The Weight of a Dream Come True

I am coming to the two-year anniversary since I preached my first sermon. That opportunity only presented itself because when our lead pastor moved on to pursue other work, he put my name on a list of possible speakers who could step in to fill in the gaps. I am deeply thankful for this and credit him for holding the door open for me to walk through on his way out.

Something happened after that first sermon, though. The weight of what I had done felt so heavy. It was more than just taking it seriously or holding reverence for the responsibility of speaking God’s truth. It was my past that was haunting me. I began to shrink back. I would faithfully attend leadership meetings, prayer gatherings, and other church activities with the same frequency. But on my way there, I would tell myself not to say anything.

Don’t speak unless addressed. Don’t share opinions. Just stay quiet. For once in your life, be a wallflower.

I twisted the words of the apostle James who encourages us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, and instead allowed myself only to listen and never to speak.

See, I have a history of saying too much. You know that person who speaks before they bother to think? They can be a little impulsive in conversation, and all too often weaponize words. That was me. Or, I should say—that is me. She just isn’t allowed to play anymore. 

Silenced by the Past

I’m still haunted by memories of myself in high school when I tried so badly to fit in that I would use words as a way to get attention and make people laugh. I didn’t care that my words betrayed a dear friend or that my joke was at the expense of another. The strong desire to be liked eclipsed my deep desire to be kind. So hurting others was inconsequential in light of my goal to be accepted. It didn’t matter what it was. I could gossip, slander, spread rumors, or cut someone down with a witty joke at their expense. I didn’t discriminate. I did it all.

Words were the weapon of choice in forging a path to acceptance and wholeness. Looking back, the acceptance I had longed for proved to be a haunted barren wasteland of my choice words and slandering anecdotes. 

Decades later, it’s this girl who would walk into prayer gatherings and leadership meetings determined not to say the wrong thing, not to lead people astray, not to put her foot in her mouth and say something to be deeply regretted later. But I was found out. A mentor who was often in these meetings would call me out directly for my thoughts on the topic being discussed or would invite me to share some closing thoughts and end in prayer. And every time I thought, “I’m supposed to be a fly on the wall! It’s better if I don’t say anything!”

But the truth I’ve come to realize is that indecision is worse than a wrong decision. In my context this looked like being too scared to say the wrong thing that I contributed nothing. I wasn’t contributing anything by keeping quiet. My fear was silencing me, rather than my faith in the God of wisdom to speak through me. 

Unexpected Redemption

So as my vow of silence was proving unattainable, I preached my second sermon. And it was after that sermon that a friend from high school reached out to me. She and I had not spoken since we graduated more than 20 years earlier. She sent me a simple message through social media and asked me if I was willing to have a video chat with her.

Now, I don’t know about you, but there is a very small number of people I am willing to FaceTime. A woman I hadn’t spoken to in over 20 years was not on that list. And yet that was not the source of my greatest hesitation. It was that most of the haunting memories of who I was were filled with her. I had memories of being unkind to this friend in front of our peers and always unprovoked and uncalled for. 

I agreed to a day and time and waited, my stomach twisted in knots, for her to answer my call. We exchanged some pleasantries— it was actually really nice and felt like no time had gone by. But then the reason for her call came up.

This is going to sound incredibly trivial, but it was actually an incredibly redemptive moment for me. She held up a piña colada Lip Smacker and asked me if I remembered anything about it. I admitted I did not remember. She went on to explain to me why this was so meaningful to her. Turns out I had gone on vacation with my family and returned to school with limited edition, tropical Lip Smackers for all the girls in my class, reserving the piña colada flavor specifically for her because it reminded me of her. All of this is “allegedly” because I have zero recollection of this whatsoever.

Well, over 20 years have gone by and she found another limited edition piña colada flavored Lip Smacker, and had to tell me how much it meant to her that I had included her in my gift. 

I say all this to say this: The Lord knew the lies I was believing about myself. Some of it, of course, was true. I was immature and childish and impulsive, and definitely said things I shouldn’t have said. But what teenager doesn’t!

So whether it was the Enemy of our souls, or my own self sabotage, or both, I fell for it. I fell hard. 

I fell for the lie that I couldn’t step into what the Lord was calling me to do because of my past. Because of who I was and what I did and what had come to define me. I disqualified myself and wore the label unworthy. But the truth is we are all unworthy. It is God, through the sacrifice of Christ Jesus, that makes us worthy of the calling that we receive.

The Greater Truth

The heart of what I long to convey is found in 1 John 3:20 which says this: “Even if our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”

This verse has become a repeated prayer for me when I get all up in my head about what I’m doing or who I’m trying to be. I’m really good at self-sabotage. I’m really good at talking myself out of something. I’m really good at allowing my flaws, failures, sins, and weaknesses to determine my next steps.

But I’m over that. I don’t want to be about that. It may be true that I tend to speak without thinking, but the greater truth is that God is greater than my heart and he knows everything. That’s the greater truth.

In light of this greater truth, we can confront the lies that shackles us and speak truth over ourselves.

“My heart tells me I’m a certain way. But God is greater than my heart and he knows everything.”

“My heart tells me my past will define me. But God is greater than my heart and he knows everything.”

“My heart tells me I’m not good enough. But God is greater than my heart and he knows everything.”

“My heart tells me I’ll never change. But God is greater than my heart and he knows everything.”

“My heart condemns me. But God is greater than my heart and he knows everything.”

Do you see it? Do you see the kindness of God to save us from our own self-condemnation? Any verse of the Bible that starts with “but” or “yet”, is usually such a good one. Things are one way…. But God is greater.

Romans 5:8 (NIV): “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”.

Ephesians 2:4-7 (NIV): “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” 

1 Corinthians 10:13 (CSB): “No temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful; he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it.”

Heart Sick

My heart condemns me every single day. Which really just means there is always a new reason to disqualify myself. And maybe you can relate to that. 

In my case, God used an old high school classmate to dispel the lies I was believing about myself. And it was those lies that the Enemy was using to keep me paralyzed out of fear of messing up and into silence as my solution. My own perception of who I am was skewed. Truth had to break through; lies had to be exposed. Not to mention the lie of our cultural moment to follow your heart or trust your gut.

Friend, don’t do this! If Scripture tells us anything about our hearts and guts, it’s that they can’t be trusted and shouldn’t be running our lives. Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. I mean, sure, it’s a great indicator when I need to gauge how I’m feeling but it doesn’t always help me know what’s best. What’s right. What’s from God. I will listen to my heart. But less than I’ll listen to God. After all, God is greater than my heart and he knows everything.

If he is opening a door of opportunity for you, don’t talk yourself out of walking over that threshold. If he is calling you to something, don’t self-sabotage before you do anything. God is greater than your heart and he knows everything. Which means even though you’ve got 100% attendance at every one of your sins, he knows everything. He knows what you’re capable of through the power of his Spirit in you. He sees what can be accomplished through your surrender. He’s planned the details of a flourishing life aligned with his will for you. You just see your past and all the ways you haven’t measured up. That’s all your heart has to refer to. How could you possibly, with that outdated, irrelevant information, make the best possible choice going forward; you are not who you were. You are becoming who God created you to be. And he knows everything. 

A Certain Kind of Person

If you’re wondering how I went from being a gossip girl to a Gospel girl, the truth is that it wasn’t all that intentional. I didn’t follow a 5-step program or detox regimen to cure me of my bad habits. I simply fell in love with Jesus. It’s so cliché and dripping of religiosity, but it’s also the truth. See, what happens to a person who does not just believe in Jesus, but is surrendered to him, is that beyond the things their minds believe, it is the affections of their hearts that change as well. 

This is what that looks like in my case: I was a certain kind of person all through high school. Friendly enough, but driven by a desire to be loved and accepted using my social status as a means for gaining the love and acceptance I craved. When Christianity went from head knowledge to heart transformation, my deep desire for love and acceptance were now placed on Jesus. I now looked to him for love and acceptance. Which, most conveniently, he possesses in abundance and unconditionally.

So when day after day, and week after week, and month after month, my needs for love and acceptance were consistently being met by Jesus, I started to become a certain kind of person. The kind of person that doesn’t need the attention from others through bad jokes and gossip, or for people to laugh at the jokes I make at the expense of others. I just don’t need that. I have found the unconditional love and acceptance I always longed for. So whether I have someone to talk to when I enter an important room, I’m loved and accepted by Jesus. Or whether I’m faced with the opportunity to make a connection with someone at the expense of another, it’s easy to refrain because I’m now a certain kind of person: one who is already eternally connected to the One who loves and accepts me. 

Friend, the God who is greater than your heart is not just the God of my story, he is the God of yours too. The same Jesus who met me in my self-condemnation and spoke a better word over my life is ready to do the same for you. You do not need to keep shrinking back, silencing yourself, or letting your past dictate your present.

So here is my encouragement: when your heart condemns you this week, don’t rehearse the old lies. Declare the greater truth. Speak it out loud if you need to: “God is greater than my heart, and he knows everything.” Write it on a sticky note, pray it in your car, whisper it before a meeting, or remind yourself of it in the middle of the night. And then step boldly through the doors God is opening.

You are not who you were. You are becoming who God created you to be. And the God who knows everything has already gone before you. So walk forward in faith, not fear, trusting the One who is greater.

What’s in the Ears 

This is the part where I share a song or podcast I’m currently into. The song I’m sharing today is sung from God’s perspective. In light of listening to the Greater Voice in our lives, it’s fitting. The artist is Jess Ray—one of my favorites, and the song is titled, In the Meantime. Let me know if you check it out. 

If this stirred something in you, share this post with a friend or drop a comment below. I’d love to hear what small step you’re taking towards the flourishing life today! And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing.

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