When praying sucks, what to do about it, and why bother

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If your prayer life is subpar or even nonexistent, you may be wondering what exactly you’re missing. You may know some prayer warriors and wonder what they have that you don’t.

Unfortunately prayer sometimes gets a bad rap with a cliché like:

Thoughts & prayers!

“Thoughts & prayers” carries cultural baggage that has, in many ways, dismissed the power of prayer with a broad stroke. Thoughts & prayers becomes a cop-out for those who don’t actually care enough to take action and do something. Thoughts & prayers gets reduced to using God as a way out of doing something difficult or uncomfortable.

But here’s the problem: dismissing “thoughts & prayers” doesn’t just critique shallow faith—it risks throwing out something Scripture holds at the very center of a life with God. So before we discard it entirely, we need to ask a better question: what is prayer actually meant to be?

Those who know how powerful prayer can be understand an important truth from a biblical perspective. That thoughts and prayers is more than just the bear minimum or the least you can do. It is the foundational first step of many that God invites us into. 

“You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. That's how prayer works.” —Pope Francis

Prayer is often the place God uses to direct our steps in ushering the Kingdom of Heaven. And yet, for many of us, that doesn’t match our experience. Because what if you really do try praying—and nothing happens? No direction. No clarity. Just a void.

When prayers bounce off the ceiling

You may share the sentiment I have too often felt: Does prayer even do anything? Can God even hear me? Seems like a waste of time. I don’t see a difference, and I don’t get anything out of it. I fall asleep half the time, and when I do manage to stay awake, my mind wanders to a conversation from 10 years ago or a to-do list that keeps growing. It feels like my prayers just bounce off the ceiling.

What do I do about it?

Life infuses dead prayer when you stop praying what you should pray and you start praying where you actual are. If it feels fake and trite or boring and disengaging, I’ve got a few suggestions!

Write out your prayers

Your prayers can be raw or refined, scattered or precise, but writing them down—journaling your prayers—has a way of anchoring what might otherwise drift. It not only keeps you focused in the moment, it becomes a record of God’s faithfulness over time.

To test it out, try this: make two shopping lists. One in your head as you move through your day. The other written down—slowly, intentionally. Then notice which one stays with you when you actually need it.

This is how journaling prayer works. Your prayers become focused and deliberate, no longer dissipating the moment “amen” leaves your lips, but held in place—returnable, rememberable, and often, beautifully answered.

If writing anchors our prayers, Scripture gives us language when we don’t have our own.

Pray the Psalms

God has a built in prayer book in the Bible. If you want to be sure you are praying the will of God, start there. God has approved every one of those prayers. Whether they are prayers of lament, thanksgiving, petition, or praise. God receives the prayers of the psalms because, in one way, they are God’s own words prayed back to him.

And if your mind still drifts, sometimes the simplest shift is this:

Pray out loud

Have a real conversation with God. Similar to journalling prayer, praying aloud has helped me stay focused and keeps my mind from wandering.

But underneath all of this sits a deeper question; one we don’t always say out loud:

Why bother praying at all? Well…

God is real.

God cares.

God is involved.

God wants to bless.

God wants a relationship with his children. He doesn’t want us to treat him like a glorified ATM, only showing up to make withdrawals. Instead he wants us to spend time with him the way you would with someone you love.

I don’t want to step into eternity and realize how much of my life I lived at a distance from God. And not because of his absence, but because I never asked, never lingered, never made space to receive what he was always willing to give.

Scripture doesn’t speak about prayer as a nice spiritual add-on discipline. It speaks about it as something that moves.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16 NLT) 

Other translations say that prayer is powerful and effective. This is more than simply poetic wordplay. It’s a window into how God has chosen to work—through the prayers of his people. Not because he needs us, but because he invites us into participation.

Teach us to pray

Jesus’ disciples seemed to recognize this. Even though they misunderstood a lot of what Jesus was doing whilst on earth, they had seen something in the way Jesus prayed. It was powerful enough for them to realize: this is where everything flows from.

So it’s no surprise that the only thing the disciples of Jesus explicitly asked him to teach them was how to pray. Not how to perform miracles, cast out demons, preach a banger sermon, or walk on water. But how to pray. How to simply engage in a conversation with the living God. For an exploration of Jesus’ response, we’ve come to know as the Lord’s Prayer, click HERE. 

If you’re bored with your prayer life, God probably is too. If I can persuade you to do anything, it is to stop praying the way you think religious people ought to pray. Instead, talk to God the way you would with someone who you know really cares about you and your pain. If you’re frustrated, be frustrated. If you’re devastated— wail and sob. If you’re thankful, express the elation you actually feel. And if you’re lost, or numb and unsure, then sit in silence and let that be your prayer as you await God’s presence.

Stop being polite, as if you’re meeting a stranger.

Start being honest with the One who knows you better than you know yourself and longs to hear from you. 

What’s in the Ears

This is the part where I share a song or podcast I’m currently into. Jon Guerra sings The Prayer God Always Answers which is based on the prayer of the tax collector in Luke 18:13. “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” Let me know if you check it out.  

If this stirred something in you, share this post with a friend or drop a comment below. I’d love to hear what small step you’re taking towards the flourishing life today! And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing.